Malodorous "fruit" and Maisy's Seal Kiss

Continuing with my regular theme of utter randomness, I thought I'd take some time to decry the cultivation and misinformed consumption of one of the most disgusting objects present on our beautiful planet--durian. Durian is a "fruit" the size of a basketball, with a rough spiky exterior, and extremely pungent odor that can be enjoyed by anyone passing within seven miles of one that has recently been opened. I have lain awake many nights wondering what genius decided to classify this blight on South East Asia in the same category with bananas, strawberries and mangoes. Feeling very strongly about this, and hoping to edify and educate, I have presented my arguments on this pressing subject pictorially and verbally below.

My first line of reasoning as to why durian was not mean for consumption by our fair species begins with my initial exposure to this monstrosity. We were in Chicago's Chinatown with some friends for dinner, when one of them asked me if I had ever tried durian. "It smells like garbage, but really it tastes much better" my friend informed me. I don't know where to even start my analysis of this statement, but I think it is safe to say that any fruit that smells strikingly similar to human refuse was probably not meant by God for us to eat.



To continue my argument I quote directly from the list of hotel rules given us when we checked in to a room on this last trip. Amongst the other do's and dont's (like DO check out before 12pm, or DON'T use the provided hairdryer while showering) was this statement: "For the comfort of all guests, please DO NOT BRING ANY DURIAN in the Hotel". This statement was not only written in caps and bolded (as shown here) it was also underlined (which I am apparently incapable of reproducing here). "Huh", I thought "this must be important". It goes without saying that if the consumption of any "fruit" has the power to discomfort other guests, even from several floors away, then it was probably not meant for mankind to partake of.
Fruit stand in Singapore selling Durian. I am not sure what type of heinousness is required to score a job here, but in my personal view of the afterlife Hitler, that Ben guy from 'Lost' and Tom Cruise will all be working alongside this gentleman.


Thirdly I refer to a sign posted on a subway on which we recently found ourselves. I had my camera on hand, so that I could share this gem with all of you:

I personally glean several things from this. First, durian is not considered to be a food or a beverage (otherwise how do you explain its reception of its own warning square complete with glowing red 'don't even think about it' symbology).

Secondly, I find it interesting that it is placed right next to flammable goods, as if to say "if you're really stupid enough to consider bringing a stick of dynamite, or a gas can on the train, then we have another important piece of information to share with you".


Well I didn't intend to belabor this subject, but I can't resist one final anecdote that supports my arguments as spelled out above. Several months ago Dianna and I were attending our Thai language class downtown, which on that occasion included just the two of us. We were learning the words for Thai fruits and vegetables, and went through all of the all-stars: papaya, watermelon, green mango, mangostine, passion fruit, etc. Suddenly our teacher held up a picture of a basketball sized spiky object. Of course this immediately set off a rant on my part on durians and their lack of fruit-like qualities. Our teacher, either sympathetic to my view or at the least sympathetic to my ravings shared the following story.

Apparently not long before a newspaper had featured an article on the sudden death of an important Thai magistrate. When the details of his demise had been investigated it was concluded that there had been no foul play, but that prior to his death he had consumed "an unhealthy amount of durian" (which I might add actually could be considered 'foul'). I rest my case on this note: amongst the sources of human death in this world, a list that includes guns, AIDS and hunger, we can now also include consumption of durian.

To close, I am including a short clip of our zoo trip in Singapore. They have a water mammal show for which Maisy was chosen out of the audience. As a bonus I have also included one of Maisy's developing talents shown directly after the zoo clip.

Maybe it goes without saying but, Maisy learned all of these sweet moves from her Mom!